The words "CANCELLED" have never hit me so deeply. I can't believe this is going to be the first tour I'm not going to be able to go to. It makes me sick. My love for the 3 brothers who have affected my life immensly is still as strong as it ever was. They continue to change my life. I just wish I could actually meet them and tell them how much I really do love them. I know I write, talk and even think about them too much but just when that happened yesterday..it hurt. Then last night I had the most amazing dream about Nicholas. It was so detailed and felt SO real it was confusing when I woke up cause I honestly thought that it was real. Sometimes I just wish I could stay in my dreams forever. My life feels like a little bit of a mess these days. Life is good, and I'm really happy but I just feel so lost. Like I don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure what I need, but I just need SOMETHING to grab ahold to. Something to lift me up. It's really a downer when I keep thinking change is coming, but then it never actually arrives. Anyways, there goes Kar talking about the Jonas Brothers again. I don't really like that I've been told that sometimes when people think of me, the JB immediatly pop into their head. But you know what, whatever. I love them and I think even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop it.