Ambition

I'm losing my ambition. For everything. There are moments when I catch myself remembering. Feeling the passion, the need, the want all over again. But then there are times when I think that maybe people don't believe in me because they know it won't happen. It's not just my ambition for my dreams either. It's everything. It's life. I've forgotten why I do everything that I do. Why I strive to be a better person. Why I try so very hard to just make some freaking friends. Why does it even matter? It's really all lost. All I have to do is just keep doing what I'm doing and maybe I can find that thing pushing me to be better, to dream big all over again. Hopefully I will. Because without my dreams I really am nothing. All I know is that right now, my mind is kind of a mess. But I'm getting somewhere I think. I'm really trying to push the dark cloud out of the way and step into the light. I'm so tired of being negative. I'm sick of people asking me what's wrong, why am I always so negative. And when I try to be postive, they tell me that it sounds forced. It's because it is. I don't know how to just be positive and happy without actually TRYING to be postive and happy. But I'm learning. Let's pray that I get there.